Gone too soon
by Sam182
Summary: A Jack one-shot/song story. One year after James's birth and the baby swap. Jack has a hard night.


**Gone too Soon- (Daughtry)**

**A Jack one-shot/song story. One year after James's birth and the baby swap. Jack has a hard night.**

Jack couldn't move or he would be sick. He was fairly certain of that. It was a familiar feeling these days. What was the time? Like it mattered anyway, time meant nothing anymore. He tried to open his eyes but he couldn't keep them open, they felt like a lead weight dragging his lids back down. Every time he tried, they seemed to tighten; forcing his eyes shut and handing him back to darkness.

The flat was so quiet but the inside of Jack's head was full of noise. The hum of the TV on standby in the living room, the drip, drip, drip of the leaky tap in the kitchen, the creaking and groaning of the bed beneath him, even his own breathing was too loud. And then there were his thoughts, his memories.

Jack sat bolt upright. This was real. A harsh inescapable reality, a reality which would never change. But again Jack tried to fight the truth of it, but it was no use now, it was already there planted in his brain and it only made it all worse. Not only was it supposed to be James's first birthday, but the person he loved and needed more than anyone else, his wife Ronnie was locked up in prison. Ronnie and James. Gone. Both of them. His whole body shook with convulsions, and he had to fight hard to keep the alcohol down. He felt dizzy. James and Ronnie. The memory hurt. He knew that the sharp pain throbbing through his entire body, right into his very soul could never ever go away. In time it might lessen and fade. But it would always be there. The memory would always be there, a dull ache in his heart

_today could've been the day  
that you blow out your candles  
make a wish as you close your eyes  
today could've been the day  
everybody was laughin'  
instead i just sit here and cry  
who would you be?  
what would you look like  
when you looked at me for the very first time?  
today could've been the next day of the rest of your life_

Jack stumbled from the bed. Catching himself, he straightened, sighed and then raised a bottle of Vodka that had been on the floor, to his lips, swigging the liquid down. He left the bedroom and reached out for the sofa before staggering slightly, teetering, and falling flat on his back. The vodka bottle flew in the air and smashed on the floor. The liquid escaped, the aroma filled the room, stinging his nostrils. Jack started laughing immediately, while staring at the ceiling. After a couple of minutes the laughing turned into tears. Pain. Pain all throughout his body, throughout his mind. Jack gasped for air, his voice gurgling in his throat, only to let out another sob.

_not a day goes by that i don't think of you  
i'm always asking why this crazy world had to lose  
such a ray of light we never knew  
gone too soon, yeah_

_would you have been president?  
or a painter, an author or sing like your mother  
one thing is evident  
would've given all i had  
would've loved ya like no other  
who would you be?  
what would you look like?  
would you have my smile and her eyes?  
today could've been the next day of the rest of your life_

Salty tears streamed down his face. He pulled himself into a seated position on the sofa and clutched at picture frame on the coffee table. It held a photo of them, him and Ronnie were beaming, Jack's hand protectively placed on Ronnie's pregnant belly. It was taken only a few weeks before the birth. Vague voices danced in his head, like an old movie that he couldn't stop.

"_There's something I've got to do jack"_

"_Yeah well it can wait"_

"_No it can't"_

_"Tell me what this is about"_

_"It's about him. Ok, Its about James"_

"_Ronnie, What about him?"_

"_He's not your son"_

He threw the frame back down onto the coffee table. He looked round the flat. Ronnie had left most of her belongings, and obviously had no use for them in prison. There were too many reminders of her and their life together and the life they should have had with James. Roxy had offered to take them, but he had been reluctant to let go.

The thing that hurt the most is that he never met James, and had only one real photograph, taken on a mobile phone the day he was hit him with a pulse pounding and ground shattering force. It flowed through his veins, blinding him with pain. He picked up the lamp on the table beside him and threw it up into the air. Tonight, he let it all out. The feelings that he sheltered for so long, burst out, like dangerous flames; that could not be tamed much longer; he had no choice but to set them free, to be rid of it all. In an outburst, he threw things across the room, tore up pictures, and shoved things off their natural places. His head filled with voices, angry voices that demanded to be heard.

"_You're lying to me Ron, you're doing this to hurt me, to mess with my mind. Ronnie look at him. Look at his face, everybody always says that this kid is the spit of me. Everybody knows he's my boy!"_

He picked up another object and threw it against the wall, leaving a dent. He continued thinking about James, who would he have looked more like, him or Ronnie? Would he have blond hair or brown? Would he be crawling? Would he have said Dada by now? What would he look like when he smiled? What would he look like when he looked into my eyes?

Jack's eyes closed for a brief moment before speaking out loud " You were gone too soon"

_not a day goes by that i don't think of you  
i'm always asking why this crazy world had to lose  
such a ray of light we never knew  
gone too soon, yeah_

_not a day goes by, oh  
i'm always asking why, oh_

_not a day goes by that i don't think of you  
i'm always asking why this crazy world had to lose  
such a beautiful life we never knew  
gone too soon  
you were gone too soon, yeah_

_and not a day goes by  
that i don't think of you_

_Daughtry – Gone Too Soon Lyrics_

**Please let me know your thoughts. Thank you for taking the time to read this x**


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